Monthly Archives: February 2023

Last year, I was gifted a “Caregivers Retreat” in Colorado through “No Barriers”. You see, I am my brother’s caregiver since his stroke in 2016. He is an amazing man. He worked hard to recover; to learn to cope with losing most of his sight in one eye, to learn to walk again… so many things he overcame.

That Retreat was a life changer for me. I climbed a wall (I’m terrified of heights) with a “rope team”, not just on ropes to keep me safe, but of other caregivers cheering me on… we learned all about Rope Teams in life.

It was surreal. Camping and hiking in Colorado (I used to live in Boulder), I was doing things just for myself. Mark and his team took care of the horses. Everyone checked on my brother, Billy. I had no worries. And I found my courage again, in ways I did not expect! I was there in the spring. I flew to Denver from Albuquerque to get there. I drove our truck to Albuquerque and parked it at the airport (No Barriers supplied my tickets, so I left from where they decided).

After a glorious and introspective few days, they got us all to the airport in Denver. With my backpack, purse and a tote, I found my way to the boarding area after 2 hours getting through a 1/4 mile long line for TSA. My flight was cancelled. There was no other plane to New Mexico for 3 days. As they tried to help me and I worked to not panic, I thought “anything to El Paso, Texas?” I had had to go out of the secured area – there was an El Paso flight in 10 minutes… I would have to go back through TSA… I was hyper-ventilating. The lady double checked and discovered the flight was delayed getting to Denver, I had 30 minutes!

I made it, barely, got on the smallest plane United has! It was a bumpy ride to El Paso, where Mark met me, got me home and then on a bus to Albuquerque to retrieve our truck!! I had planned to visit a friend in Taos, so I drove there (feeling like a zombie) and spent the night. Then, zombie-like, I drove home. Whew. Had I not just spent all those days building my courage and strength, I would have fallen apart.

Come summer, the opportunity for a scholarship for Billy and me to go to Estes Park for a No Barriers Summit was a miracle we grabbed with both hands! I had to drive us there (same truck) and it was 15 hours on the road with all the construction and city traffic along the way. We were knackered when we got there.

It was an amazing experience. I worried (too much) about Billy the first day and night – but he blossomed! He flew kites, he hiked a 6+ mile group hike (with disabled people like himself) the last day at very high altitude! I hiked it, too, all uphill. There was a lunch picnic after the hike, then we were on the road, me driving back to southern New Mexico.

Traffic in Denver was awful. There was construction everywhere and it got dark quickly! When we finally got to Raton Pass, it was storming (huge lightning, hail, rain like someone turned on a tap) and the road was down to one lane with NO lines and no visibility. By the time we got down from the Pass, I was shaking badly. But we made it. Billy was the best “co-pilot” ever!

At a rest stop, still pouring rain, we sat and I caught my breath. I would not have made it without all the things I was learning from No Barriers. Billy said, “that was like watching a horror movie at a drive-in movie theater” It had to be scary for him! I burst out laughing!

It was more like 17 hours to drive home. Billy kept me awake (no small task at that point). It was possibly the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. And, that time with my brother was a real miracle. He was my Rope Team…

So, when I look at Dharmahorse, I see a Rope Team of helpers making sure these horses are safe and healthy. While Mark and I have the 24/7/365 responsibility, the Team we have here makes it all possible! None of us, in life, is facing challenges alone. If it seems that way, we just have to look around for the good people on the same path. I felt so different after meeting all the caregivers at the retreat. I could say anything… they understood. I wasn’t alone.

No Barriers says, “What’s within you is stronger than what’s in your way”, boy, did I learn that!

“Let the reflective nature of Equus bring insight into your own nature through simple, gentle contact. Horses offer an immediate, honest response to our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual states. This can often help us recognize patterns or actions in ourselves that do not serve our own causes, desires or wellbeing. As a species, horses have been tied to humanity for thousands of years. They have fought our battles with us, carried our burdens, plowed our fields and served as transportation and technology for every culture on the planet that has known them. Horses have healed us with their generosity, their gentleness and total honesty. Their reactions are always pure. Master yourself and a horse will always recognize it! The respect that flows between human and equine fosters clarity, consistency, honor and compassion. We can learn from horses just by being in their presence. And what we learn about ourselves can change our lives.” ~ Katharine

I’ve always had a tendency to walk outside barefooted. When I lived in Florida, a group of friends and I were walking barefoot along sidewalks one evening, between several stables and homes – we saw a fire in the distance and, in a bit of a panic, ran across two empty lots to be certain it was not a horse barn. When we found out it was a demolished shed, being deliberately burned, we started walking back, retracing our path.

As we got to the empty lots, we saw that they were covered (literally) in broken glass. Sparkling in the setting sunlight, we pondered how we had managed to remain unharmed – no cut feet on any of us. We found a new path back.

It made me think about walking on hot coals. I have never doubted that “mind over matter” is a real thing. Decades later, here in New Mexico, a riding student of mine went to a gathering where they actually did walk a long path of hot coals barefooted. They were prepared for the experience with meditation and breathing exercises. She said she did well, was amazed and unharmed, but, she had a hot coal get caught between her toes. When she told me that, I just knew, if I tried it, I would get a smoldering coal between my toes! I have not tried it… but probably would, given the chance!

My nemesis these days is the proliferation of “goatheads” since all the rain we’ve had these past months. They are sharp, nasty little thorns that feel venomous – after you pull one out, it can hurt for days. And I got one deep in my toe last week. My toe actually swelled! It just yesterday stopped hurting. Instead of hot coals, a section of goatheads to walk through barefooted would impress the patootie out of me!

And going outside to check on horses barefooted has been replaced by my stepping out in socks (it’s been really cold lately). Now, the muddy color doesn’t wash out of my socks anymore.

And washing clothes (I’m a horsewoman) means checking pockets for hay and treats and nails I find on the ground (when they built barns years ago, did they just throw boxes of nails from the roof in all directions?)… cough drops and old tissues, these things never fare well in the washer or the drier. Yet, my best intentions are never enough. The drier vent screen tells the tale, always full of hay specks, candy wrappers and Kleenex fuzz. The alfalfa pellets and rusty nails stay in the washer. And I won’t even get started about being banned from Laundromats in the spring when horse blankets need to be washed.

That’s what my Mum always said to me. When something or someone upset me, she would say that and leave me to decide… I hear her in the back of mind all the time. Running a Horse Sanctuary, one very often faces things that can be upsetting.

A long time back, a man I respect stood in front of me and told me that our website was awful, it was sh!t. He asked who had built it. I had. He criticized it on all levels. It was impossible to navigate on a cell phone. I stood there and politely listened. I had Mark show me what it looked like on a cell phone (I don’t use them, myself). Then I gave it the attention it deserved – I rebuilt a better website. I was grateful for the awareness, but it was a demoralizing experience.

Last year, we had 30 people from an Air Base come out to do community service by rebuilding fences, stretching fences, moving a shelter, etc. A neighbor came over and told me that we had a “gold mine” here… we got others to do the work and got money from the Sanctuary. I told him that we get no funds for ourselves, ever. He said the weeds were our fault (we got the guys helping us to chop the weeds on his property), the dust was our fault (we live in the high desert and the wind blows…). He said we had a horse cemetery here – I told him the last four horses we euthanized and buried were 42 years old, 35 years old, 31 years old and 40 years old… he got quiet. We are a sanctuary for elderly horses. We give them comfort and love until their quality of life diminishes.

I gave him the energy he deserved, in the weeks that followed, we put up fence curtains that block the wind and his view along the shared property line (we have more “curtains” coming this week to finish two stretches of fence line). And I went out to get pizzas for the guys helping us, took the neighbor some pizza… but it was a demoralizing experience, standing their listening to him. We used to take the tractor and scrape the weeds away on his side of our fence… now, we’re not comfortable going on his land.

Yesterday, I had a person get angry with me. This person had been posting on our Sanctuary’s Facebook page. I was polite until this person started posting political and derisive things. I blocked them. It is, after all, OUR page! But my blocking created an outburst and some strange comments about us getting money for a horse we took in that this person felt they deserved credit for “saving”… I just don’t get it. We buy the feed, pay the Vet bills, pay for the supplements, farrier, dental work and medications. We buy the wormer, provide the shelter, put blankets on in the cold, pay the water and electric bills. I gave it the attention it deserves – I did not respond. And I’m blogging because I’m tired. I’m tired of standing and “taking it”, but I will do so for the horses. I will do anything for these horses.

I had a woman say that she had not seen us on Facebook “begging for money” when I had to shut down our FB accounts after getting hacked. That hit me hard. I was going through the nightmare of securing our bank accounts, getting control of the pages again so I could delete them and start over. I never thought of our requests for donations as “begging”, it’s how all rescues and sanctuaries are able to care for horses at risk… I did give it the attention it deserved; I ignored it. But it gave me insight into how others might see us. All of this has been chocked full of insight!

So, sometimes people think we get “all this money” from the Sanctuary (Mark and I do not – everything goes to caring for the horses). Sometimes, people see something like the website and find a hundred things wrong with it (That helped, I built a much better site!). Sometimes, people play a small part in helping a horse get here and feel like they deserve much more credit (and they do deserve credit, but for the part they played) … so part of this blog post is about clarifying just what we do and how we do it. We want to be good neighbors, we want to honor those who play a part in helping a horse, we want to be understood.

And I want, beyond everything else I feel today, to thank all of those who “get us”; who understand that these horses are valuable. Their lives (and comfort and safety) matter. We’re doing the best we can in spite of obstacles, opinions and misconceptions. We could have retired with a couple of personal horses, a little bit of land and just kept life simple. We had a higher calling. We do this (feeding, watering, blanketing, treatments and all kinds of repairs in all kinds of weather) because we are building something that will last… something of value in this world.