Monthly Archives: October 2023

Rescue is rough. Even though we are predominantly a Sanctuary, the majority of horses/mules we take in are “rescues”. And even after years of rehabilitation, healing and care, I still remember how each horse came to us – what they looked like, if they were in pain, if they were frightened. I always see how far they have come; but also know just what they have come from. Some days are harder than others. I had 2 messages today about horses needing homes (some weeks I get a couple of messages, some weeks over a dozen). One had been “rescued” by the owner and “isn’t working out”. Another was an elderly blind horse needing to be retired.

Each description of a horse in need can remind me of a beloved in Sanctuary… another Bodhi, another Murray, another Comet. Being at capacity here (for our funds, bandwidth and stated limit for our license) means we cannot add more. And that is rough. None here are adoptable right now. Room is sometimes made by the passing of a beloved elder and that hurts.

I have one horse on a waiting list. I would love to help this horse (who fits our criteria), but I do not want to be able to because of what that means.

I’m also tired of wasting my time. Five hours of waiting for a farrier who did not show up… working all morning making videos that did not pan out… things that add up when I have a hundred other things screaming for my attention (with deadlines). So, I do my chores and hope for a better day tomorrow.

Then, feeling defeated, I call to Teaberry at the end of the arena. He gallops to me at full speed, slows inside his shelter, ignores the hay put in his feeder and places his head gently against my chest. I am filled with his kindness, his awareness. He just stands there until I break the bond to move the hose filling his water tub. He makes me cry – but in a good way. He stopped my dwelling on what I can’t do or what I haven’t done yet. He makes me realize what I have done.

He rescued me tonight.

I awoke this morning feeling overwhelmed. There is so much to do before the end of the month. I started thinking about who I really am… what I do. I am Gita’s eyes. I am my brother’s legs and his strength. My hands are for these horses; to feed and care for them (battered as they are, my hands are useful). My brain belongs to this Sanctuary, to figure what is needed for the horses and how to pay for it. I am Mark’s partner in this life… to be kind and supportive.

My soul belongs to me.

My mind works overtime, becoming twisted by things that go on in this world that I have no control over. My Buddhist life should help me maintain clarity through the muddied waters of life on earth, but somehow, I have forgotten that part of my being in the daily monotony of caring for so many. Certainly, I know that self-care must be part of my agenda. We all know that we can’t pour from empty cups. Rescuers and caregivers have huge cups to refill… all the time.

So I sit under the pine trees and watch horses eating breakfast. Touching the earth, I hear her saying how she, too, is a giver of care, a lover of all life, a rescuer of souls. Are we not all connected by the simple act of being kind? To each other, to all life, to this earth…

I used to care more about what I wore, how I looked, how others perceived me. Judgement swirls around us from sources beyond our control. Others see us through their own eyes. Suddenly I’m struck with “The Earth is my witness” and though the perception of this Sanctuary is important, I realize that those who truly see what we do are the ones who know us. I will never again be posh. My life is too busy and too important to worry about posh. Being overwhelmed has to with letting extraneous thoughts and outside influences intrude upon the actual need and focus of this life. I need to stop doing that.

Who am I? I’m just me.